Wednesday, February 4, 2015

"Come, and you will see" // Denise Poon

I just tried to imagine what life would be like on an errant Wednesday night if I were a high schooler again. So, a few things:

  • First, I'd be in bed already. This might sound outrageous and indecent, but I slept at 10:00 every night in high school. Time management and no Facebook distractions FTW, honestly. 
  • I would also be in much better shape than I am today (as is the case with most counselors except Josh Yuan. Ask him about his Jenny Craig story), because I used to run cross country and track of all things. (See below for visually unappealing proof.)

One thing that hasn't changed much since high school me, unfortunately, is my propensity to distrust God's intentions for my life. I've always been a mishmash of questions about people, things, the world, my life, God, blah blah blah. This, coupled with the fact that I am usually unfailingly honest and unabashedly blunt, means that I sometimes try to bully God and demand answers to things like, "Why did You do this? Where the heck are You going to send me on overseas missions and when am I leaving?"


These questions have varied over the years, but I think the running theme is my anxiety, fears, and suspiciousness of a God who is, by all rights, completely good and more than generous with someone dumb like me. Over the years, here are some of the things God has said to me in response/showed me:

  • One, God is not scared or intimidated by me. My feeble attempts at cornering Him into giving me answers doesn't work because He is a God who does not need to meet my demands. And that, of all things, has been weirdly comforting. I love that God can't be pushed around by me, and that He is fearless and so above me--because I could not revere, could not worship, could not love a God who was so easily swayed and who answered my every demand. 
  • Two, God and His children are always on a need-to-know basis. A few months back I wrote out a list of questions I had for God. As I irately demanded answers, He just asked me, "How many of these do you actually need to know, Denise? Only one. We're on a need-to-know basis, and you need to be okay with that, otherwise the way going forward is going to be very difficult if you don't trust Me."

This past Sunday, I was doing devotions and was reading John 1:35-51, which is when Jesus first calls some of the disciples to follow Him. Two of John the Baptist's disciples see Jesus. They are with John, who says, "Behold, the Lamb of God!" The two were curious, so they trailed after Jesus, probably at a bit of a distance (weirdos) and Jesus turns and outright asks, "What do you seek?" 


They are dumb, so they change the subject and ask Jesus where He's staying instead of answering the question. Which I think is how we are--we follow Jesus from behind, trying to size Him up, curious where He's going or what He's up to, but when He actually turns around and looks us in the eye, we're completely befuddled because we actually don't know what we want or what the heck we're doing. 

Jesus, being gracious and all-around solid, doesn't pressure them or say, "Answer the question, you fools, I'm Jesus !!" He simply says, "Come, and you will see."

And so they do. 

They spend time with Him and at the end of that time, He's no longer just "Rabbi," which is what they first called Him. He's the "Messiah" to them.



I don't think we need to know the answer to all our questions. We, like the disciples, simply don't know most of the time. But Jesus just looks at us, sees us so fully, and just tells us to come. That's all it takes. Just that first step to walk next to Him and He'll show us the way.


// Denise //


P.S. I have included pictures of myself post-high school to remind y'all that you will have lots of amazing adventures beyond high school, FCBC, etc. And so that you can feel like you're getting to know me or something.

P.P.S. Currently listening to Becky G's "Shower" and Lord Huron's "She Lit a Fire" on repeat, one after the other. Highly recommend.




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